Tower of Doom update
Okay, so apparently it's a cry for help. I misread all the signs.... Thanks for clarifying that one.The CN tower, incidentally, isn’t trying to kill people. It’s a cry for help. It’s lashing out in frustration at the permanent priapism it has to suffer while standing erect next to the massive yonic seduction of the Rogers Center with its lewdly winking roof. Several years of that could give a tower a serious case of blue-malls.
posted by LOTC at 2:07 PM
12 Comments:
Actually, I think its a symptom of chlamydia. Perhaps we should register the CN Tower with http://stdfriends.com/
Nice. Please explain a hostile takeover... ;)
Doesn't a hostile takeover involve a man's hands in your hoo hoo this upcoming Friday? I think that may deserve a blog "entry" (with pictures). I'll drink some coffee in your honour when it happens. Yes, I know - I'm the best.
That man is a professional. I would just like to put that on the record. My hoo hoo will be in good hands. Literally.
I know who you are, Bazarov. You will get your ass whooped in New York this summer. I don't care what time you get home. I'll wait up. You ain't gonna shit right for a week once I'm done with you, my friend.
Didn't you mean to say: "Good hands will be in my hoo hoo"? I thought so. Don't be embarrassed though. Along with comma placement, I'm excellent at rewriting people's thoughts so that they can best express themselves in their own words.
I see we are going for the bloody ass route when you come to visit in New York. Hopefully you'll also be practicing your biting skillz in the interim? Oh, they're related? Even better.
How much schooling did you have to do to acquire the 'glorified spell checker' job?
Sigh. Not only will there be hands but also tools in the hoo hoo region. By next weekend I should have a bionic hoo hoo. Wow. How many dates do you think I could get with that?
Basically, I'm gonna get off the plane and bite you really hard the minute I see you. I know it sounds exciting now but, believe me, friends who have experienced it in the past are now scared when I lean in towards them with my face. Your yelp of pain is going to echo in the meatpacking district for hours.
Next time you lick salt off a man's chest in a bar, you should quietly whisper in his ear (in a matter-of-fact way - you don't have to over do it): "I have a bionic hoo-hoo". If he is under the age of 25 or generally experiences some control issues, I suspect it will be over before it begins. Try to target men going commando or wearing khakis. And then afterwards, take a crotch shot - that would make for an excellent series of blog entries. You can then see, in each case, the extent to which they really liked you.
I'm not sure if you knew, but cries of pain will only serve to attract pleasure seekers from neighbouring buildings in the meatpacking district. Oh, you did! Yes - in that case, you will easily surpass the heights of your Missisauga escapades when you come to visit. Don't worry - I'll take pictures ;-).
Oh yee master of the strongly worded letter: Are you calling me a ho? How dare you. There'll be bleeding lacerations on your shoulders before you can even put another comma in the report you should be correcting instead of reading this comment! ...if only I were closer. A little bit of sluttiness never hurt nobody. Just ask the other spell checker you work with. What is that? She actually 'works' for a living?
As for your offer to take pictures, I have yet to see you use objects other than a mechanical pencil and Staedtler eraser before I trust you with a digital camera. Aren't those the tools of your trade now: pencils and erasers? Ah, the glamorous world of spell checking. ;)
I'm taking my hoo hoo out of the cubicle for the day.
Come come now - I suspect the word "ho" doesn't even begin to describe you! (one would at least need an adjective in there somewhere, like "bionic". Or "guilt-ridden, but otherwise really into it".)
(You'd be surprised with what one can accomplish with a mechanical pencil. I promise I'll show you one day.
(Don't worry - I too am a "professional". I know how that's important to you. You would be in good hands.))
Get that mechanical pencil ready, the countdown to the bionic hoo hoo is on: two more sleeps.
So ... is it bionic?
Not quite...there were unforeseen circumstances...perhaps next week I'll start my week with a bionic hoo hoo.
But it's not all bad news: I have no parasytes or blood in my urine. Woohoo!
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